Self-harm: The hidden signs and what they really say

Tunde gets home from work after another full day of punching numbers, handling complex datasets to meet his KPIs and giving reports at a 3 pm meeting, where everyone was more than eager to get away from. While the work he does is important, it is real hard work. ‘At least I am being paid well,’ Tunde mutters to himself.

Tunde stopped going to the gym since he began his new role as an analyst at a leading firm. Between traffic and long working hours, the closest thing to an exciting activity in his typical day is the handshakes he gets from his co-workers after a presentation. These handshakes were usually met with comments like “Do you play local drums?” “Your handshakes are so firm,” or “Your palms are quite hard’. Tunde can barely feel their palms, but he compliments them in return regardless, as a gentleman would.

Today was particularly tough and boring. As Tunde gets home, he flicks his wrist and lights up his small gas stove with a matchstick. The flames blaze yellow and then settle to fiery blue. Tunde sets his hands over the fiery flames, he initially feels nothing until the searing pain begins to warm his hands. ‘This feels good, I am alive’- Tunde reflects…

Not every story of self-harm may be as wild/tame as Tunde’s, but this gives credence to how diverse this phenomenon is and why you should pay rapt attention as you read. I promise that this is a topic worth learning about. 

Image by Thomas Breher from Pixabay

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Unknown

When the subject of Self-harm is mentioned, the initial image that comes to mind for most people is the picture of a lonely girl with a blade slicing at her arms methodically. It’s a sad, very uncomfortable picture and actually a fair representation of how self-harm physically presents in affected individuals. 

Self-harm, according to the Cleveland Clinic blog is simply when you injure yourself on purpose. It can be by cutting, burning, or finding a way to damage yourself. This definition, although simplistic, shows how acts you do can easily fall within the definition of self-harm. It is, therefore, a call to extend grace and support to those who are chronically affected. It is also clinically known as nonsuicidal self-injury

Upon further findings, we discovered physical self-harm often stems from emotional/psychological trauma. Emotional or psychological trauma involves negative thoughts that damage your self-esteem and self-worth, often as a result of experiencing traumatic events. David Tzall gives further clarity highlighting how emotional self-harm is a deliberate thought process causing a person to inflict emotional pain, distress, or suffering upon themselves.

Suicide and Self-Harm

The fact that people are willing to cause injury to themselves doesn’t necessarily mean they are suicidal. The key difference between suicide and self-harm is usually the ‘end goal.’ While both involve inflicting pain, suicide means deliberately putting an end to one’s life, on the other hand, self-harm is usually used as a coping mechanism for various unpleasant situations. Sadly, research shows that 65% of people who self-harm often consider suicide, even though they may not go through with it.

Why do people self-harm?

There are a lot of reasons, so let’s take a look at some common reasons why people self-harm.

• To bring about some excitement into their lives: For some people, their lives are too monotonous, and the pain of self-harm makes them feel alive.
• To signal their distress and seek help: Some individuals resort to self-harm as a way to express underlying struggles and communicate their need for support.
• Trauma: Trauma is a very common cause of self-harm. Many victims self-harm as a trauma response to something negative from their past.
• Self-punishment:  Many people resort to self-harm as a means of castigating themselves when something goes wrong or when they do something wrong.
• Trying to feel in control: Some decide to self-harm because they are attempting to reassert control over an area of their lives.

Other reasons include:

• Depression
• Stress
• Low self-esteem

What are some common symptoms of self-harm?

If you suspect that someone you know is going through a difficult time and could be self-harming, here are some possible symptoms to look out for.

• Consistent injuries in particular areas of their body. 
• Wearing long sleeves or long pants and thick clothing even under hot weather.
• Having consistent burn patterns across their body.
• Keeping sharp objects or other items used for self-injury on hand.
• Heavily avoiding any form of physical contact or flinching
• Difficulty in maintaining consistent relationships with others.

What can you do?

If you are suffering from or know someone who is suffering from nonsuicidal self-injury, the very first step is not to shun the person/hide your problem. The next step is to seek professional help. This is often advised as professionals have a better grasp on preventive measures and coping strategies to overcome self-harm. It is important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all solution for self-harm as it has various causes. While some may need to involve themselves in joyful and mentally rewarding activities, others might have to undergo extensive restorative therapy to deal with past traumas first.

If you have a friend with this condition, show them love and be committed to helping them get better. 

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