THE IMPACT OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS ON MENTAL HEALTH

Relationships offer immense benefits to both parties, especially when done well, but when toxic, they can be very detrimental to the victims. Although love is supposed to bring a level of happiness and satisfaction, when it becomes toxic, it can color a person’s mental health even beyond the relationship.

What is a Toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is a relationship where the behavioural pattern of one partner leads to the physical or/and/or emotional damage of the other partner. This tends to reveal itself when one partner undermines or manipulates the other through their words or actions. It also includes frequent breaks in communication, which lead to insecurity for a partner in the relationship.

It is important to note that two well-meaning adults can end up in a toxic relationship, often because they are not compatible. Thus, it is possible for toxicity in a relationship to come from bad communication and incompatibility rather than malice. Often, the solution in these cases is to improve communication, seek counselling, or go your separate ways; these options can preserve the individual and transform the relationship. 

With that said, what are some key causes of toxicity in relationships?

Causes of toxic relationships

There are a couple of issues that can cause toxicity in a relationship, including:

Past Trauma: This is very important to note, especially for people who have spotted evidence of trauma in their previous relationship. If you are not careful, you can end up becoming the very thing that damaged you, perpetuating an unending cycle of toxic relationships. This could be for your next partner or your children. Many people battle trauma from their childhood, and it affects how they show up in their relationships.

Low self-esteem: Low self-esteem is another cause of toxicity in relationships. Low self-esteem often leads to poor communication, and this can cause a form of relationship toxicity that is not necessarily malicious but still damaging. 

Fear of abandonment: Partners may resort to deceit and manipulation because of a fear of being abandoned in a relationship. A partner may begin to question their partner’s true intentions when they experience this type of toxic behaviour. It can also lead to pressure to constantly affirm their partners out of fear, not love. 

Narcissism: An inflated ego, pride, and self-centeredness are often a recipe for a toxic partner. They only care about themselves and will manipulate their partners to their own benefit. 

Signs that your relationship is toxic.

You can easily gauge from the causes of toxic relationships, some of the signs that come with these types of partners and manifest in the relationship, but here are a couple of evident signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship.

Image by Claudia Wolff from  Unsplash

• Controlling behaviour, often characterized by isolation and digital monitoring.
• A lack of trust, i.e., constant accusations and unnecessary fact-checking.
• Poor communication can show up in dishonest interpretation, always missing obvious cues, and belittling your opinions.
• Emotional blackmail 
• Constant disrespect
• Physical and emotional abuse
• Constant negative criticism. 

How does toxicity in a relationship impact your mental health

Toxic relationships take their toll on various aspects of a person’s health, including their physical and financial health. Still, I’ll be spotlighting how this can be damaging to your mental health. 

Negative Messaging

The constant exposure to negative words, constant criticism, and abuse can build a mindset of negative self-talk, where you internalize the negativity your partner has directed towards you over time. Eventually, you have a bleak outlook on life, and this can lead to depression.

Depression and anxiety

This is almost a staple in toxic relationships; a partner is constantly depressed and anxious. You feel like you are in constant danger and are anxious about your own actions and your partner’s mood. You also become depressed because you feel like you can’t do anything right by your partner.

Low self-esteem

A toxic relationship will damage your self-esteem. Imagine being constantly criticized, looked down on, and made to feel bad about yourself at every turn by the one person who claims to love you. With time, you’ll see yourself from that lens, and your self-worth will drop. Gradually, you get to a place where you think you do not deserve attention or anything good, and you have to constantly beg to be treated well. 

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

In cases where there is physical or emotional abuse, the recipient can have post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD is a mental health condition, and it is often characterized by some symptoms, including nightmares, anxiety, flashbacks, avoidance, and irritability. 

What can you do when you discover you are in a toxic relationship that has messed up your mental health?

It is pretty easy to say leave the relationship, but that has two problems. One, in reality, it is not often as easy to leave, because of the parasocial relationship you might have cultivated with your abuser, and second, when you do go, there is still a host of mental health issues you have to work through. So what can you do?

Once you have acknowledged that you indeed need to leave a toxic relationship, here are some steps you need to take to get out and fix your mental health:

• Make a Plan: Don’t just leave; have a place to stay and people to turn to, so you are not forced back into the place you are leaving.
• Let someone you trust know: This can be a friend, family member, or professional. 
• Be ready for conflict: Toxic partners may resort to force or emotional manipulation to keep you in the relationship; be prepared to do what is best for you.
• Seek professional help: Beyond leaving the relationship, you will need help in addressing some of the baggage that leaves the relationship with you, including some of the mental health issues. ​

Conclusion

A person’s mental health can be tied to their relationship. So many people begin to thrive when they have supportive partners. On the other hand, some people see their mental health spiral because of the relationship they are in. 

If you discover some of the signs of a healthy relationship present in your relationship, it might be time to seek help. It’s great to remember that you are often not alone, and a cry for help will draw people with the best of intentions to help you.


Featured Image by JUSTADE-MOTIVE from Pixabay