DOES MENTAL HEALTH REALLY MATTER FOR MEN

It’s June, and it’s men’s mental health month. Yay! 

Soon we will get a deluge of performative content on and about men’s mental health. Telling men it’s okay to cry and to show emotion. On the other hand, there will be the appeal to stoicism and hiding emotions as how men cope with mental challenges in their lives.

The truth for men lies somewhere in the middle.

To answer the question if mental health really matters for men, the simple answer is yes, it does, but what does that mean in practice?

Society on a broader scale conditions men into the roles they fill as providers, caretakers, and self-sufficient individuals. That is why a young man who is driven to achieve something worthwhile with his life is said to be on the path of an ideal man. This in itself is not outrightly wrong, and we are not discussing what an ideal man ought or ought not to be, but not every man walks perfectly into the ideal mold.

In the pursuit of who a man is supposed to be, the subject of emotions and, by extension, mental health are largely relegated to the background. Thus, when the weight of ‘being a man’ becomes too heavy, or when many are unable to fill the mold of ‘being a man,’ there are no ways of handling the mental anguish that comes with being a man and accepting yourself. 

In times past, communities, especially those that are well-knit, provided the safe space many men required to feel, vent, and express. But with the emergence of technology and many attendant ideologies, those communities are not as functional or personal as they used to be. This often leaves men repressed with very few options as to handling their emotions. 

According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, Men account for nearly 80% of all suicide deaths, and out of this number, 60% of them had no mental health documentation prior. When it comes to depression, the data shows that 1 in every 10 men suffers from depression, meaning, out of a group of 10 male friends, there is a likelihood that one of them is managing depression. While this number is smaller than the estimates for women, men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. In Nigeria, although the data is underreported, the signs point to similar trends, with men suffering and being unable to seek help.

The truth is, many men suffer in silence; why is this the case?

The primary conditioning of men is to avoid weakness; this has been ingrained into the fabric of society, and as a result, men tend to shy away from anything that would indicate weakness. Emotions, feelings, vulnerability- all of these wrongfully fall under what society brands as weakness for men. This starts right from childhood when boys are told ‘Boys don’t cry,’ even for things they ought to cry about. Gradually, when a parent finally passes, the boys, now men, do not have an outlet for their grief. There has also been a subtle eradication/infiltration of male safe spaces. Men-only events or gatherings are usually vilified regardless of their purpose, while female spaces of such kinds are encouraged. Without gatherings like this, the bonds that allow for proper vulnerability are frayed or nonexistent. Gradually, men’s emotional outputs are reduced to two options: anger or withdrawal. So what can be done about this? 

But since we have addressed the truth of the question, and have clearly stated the fact that mental health is truly important for men, what can be done to help men really improve their mental health?

Beyond generic toxic advice from both ends of the divide, i.e cry, or toughen up as the response to every hint of depression, there are more practical ways men can handle their mental health n general; here are a few of these practical steps.

Talk to Someone You Trust

The adage ‘a problem shared is half solved’ especially applies with mental health challenges. It is important to note that sharing with just everyone could be a problem, so a level of discretion is needed. Sharing with a licensed professional is often the first pathway forward. Approaching older, wiser men who have weathered similar situations can also help with depression.

Learn to Recognise the Early Signs

Sometimes mental health challenges at their onset are in the little things. Being able to identify the early onset of a mental health challenge can be a game-changer in winning the battle. It is usually better to get a professional’s insight or attend mental health-related events. Some simple signs you can look out for include:

• Changes in your sleep schedule and quality of sleep
• Concentration difficulties
• Feelings of restlessness
• Fluctuating energy levels
• Increased or decreased appetite
• Increased anger responses and more

‘Manning Up’ Has Its Limits

‘Manning up’ can be useful when it comes to taking up personal responsibility and choosing discipline, but it is often not the best way forward when it comes to addressing health issues, mental or physical. Picture a young boy who plays sports in the neighbourhood, and in an incident he injures his arm; unknown to him and his friends, the arm is broken, but the adrenaline from the game keeps him seemingly fit. So he decided to man up and hide the injury from his parents; you can only imagine the pain he’ll be hiding, and how bad the wound will get untreated. Apply the same logic with mental health, and it becomes clear why statements like ‘man up’ etc can be detrimental.

Swap Harmful Coping Habits for Better Ones

One reason many men are unable to improve their mental health is that they often find solace in unhealthy coping habits. Some turn to drinking, pornography, substance abuse, gambling, unsafe sex, and more as a way to cope with mental health issues. Some seemingly more harmless options, like impulse decision-making, can also be unhealthy and can easily pass under the radar. Being able to identify these is a step in the right direction. Replacing them with healthier activities like exercise, mind sports i.e chess, a productive hobby i.e wood crafting, hiking or even journaling can help improve a man’s mental health and have their own attached benefits.

Find Your People 

Humans crave community, and the separation and isolation that comes with the technology age has further increased the risks of mental health challenges. Finding community, either support groups for men or communities around a particular hobby, can do wonders for a man’s mental health. They can also provide people with the needed outlet to discuss their issues and get help. These communities can be both physical or online. 

The mental health of men does matter. Men ought to be equipped with positive steps that can help them protect their mental health. Speaking with a professional, finding communities and investing in creative hobbies are ways to get started with this.

Featured Image by Samson Balogun from Unspalsh